does this sound depressing?

sometimes i wonder why i am so slow....... like seriously....... in life

I was thinking about why other ppl were ready to get boyfriends in hs or even middle school and I'm still struggling with the concept. I think one of the big problems is I'm such an idealist. I almost wish I never ever had that humongo crush back in hs. It certainly did not set me up for success. And reading all those pure romancey things made it worse...... made me think that to date, that person has to be perfect....... or at least someone that makes my heart flutter and sweeps me off my feet......or something. I dunno how it is for other ppl.......but that's just not very realistic for me. And when I saw other people dating i thought they were selling themselves short. But now that I think about it, they are the ones with the correct attitudes. I mean..... it's not like any person was meant to be with a particular person. (tho...... it was nice to fantasize that) But yeah......all that fantasizing just lead me further and further off track.

But now I actually think it's cute when they just sort of like each other......and stuff. It doesn't have to be permanent...... it might not work out. lol...... but i'm like 10 years too late. And now everybody around me has already moved onto a wayyyy later stage. How can I even catch up?

I think most people don't even understand my way of thinking....... and the ones that do...... are likely to be in my position as well that we can't really help each other or give advice -_-;; And I really should be less preoccupied with all this....... cuz i'm supposed to be doing so much other stuff too.

Those were just some random thoughts, I'm really not as gloomy/ desperate as I sound tho......really. On the bright side I'm excited to go to reunion soon! And finally we'll all meet up again :)

some thoughts

I watched Inception yesterday. It really IS a good movie, even tho i wasn't in the mood for one...... And the subject of dreams they were talking about is quite fascinating. And the director wrote the script too, which is pretty cool. Actually amazing because it's really hard to develop a complicated plot/ visual scenery that's complicated enough that the audience won't get bored, but not too out there that we get lost either......

The other thing i wanted to talk about was on Friday night, I went to Bible study again. And there were two babies, a boy and girl around the same age. Except it was really infuriating me what all the adults were telling them. Like when the boy was crying they were all "men don't cry, you're a man so you shouldn't cry". Or when they got into a fight they told the baby boy "boys shouldn't hit girls" Like......ummm.....what?? I think i'd just be really angry if i had to live with someone that spewed that all the time O_o

I am like bouncing off the walls with excitement today........ I'll get my first online (clothes) shopping package soon!! And once I get it, I won't have to wear pants anymore!! Ever!!!

OK, maybe the never part is exaggerating. But lol still so excited, til monday! Obsessively tracking the UPS site now......

And I think I'll go play soccer this Sunday, maybe i should get a soccer ball to practice. Cuz you know..... not much help when I might accidently shoot the ball into our own net.......

I was thinking about how i've been living my life and want to do away with all the negative thoughts/ worries. And I DEF need to rid myself of my internet addiction. Even my music addiction......it's just not good when my mind is too cluttered to focus on useful things. And when i can't it just stresses me out even more. I really liked those 10 days i spent at home where i couldn't get to internet at all.......despite how frustrating things had been with the elders.

Recently I got worried that I got a lot dumber and then started taking all these random online IQ tests. Doesn't *seem* like i got that much dumber. Probably just lazy and unable to focus/ motivated. Maybe I should get a job where I NEED to do my job or I'll get unemployed......and live on the streets......or something. Hmmm

I'm pretty sure in the midst of everything that happened (and believe me, a LOT has just happened) I forget to mention that my brother got a 5 on his AP Economics!! That's freaking awesome! Especially since he was the only 10th grader in his class, and they tease him by calling him the 'baby' of the class. Looks like all is not lost for him xP Maybe he can go to wall street and our family will finally be rich xDD Tho his plans also involve going to Physics and earning a nobel prize and the 2nd Steve Chu. All that after his wall street stint....... lol..... a bit ambitious are we?

All is not well in research......hopefully i can fix it and my relationship with the lab :/

And of everything that happened...... really SO MUCH has happened that it's crazy. I feel like the world has suddenly changed. I'm not sure if you guys wanna hear it, or if I should be talking about it...... but since it's on fb i assume it's public. So uhhhh yeah, Ming got engaged....... and they'll have wedding by the end of this year!! What else, her roommate already moved out so I'm kinda sad i won't see her as much now. And I might have some terrible disease but hopefully it's nothing I can't recover from....... but still kinda freaked out since my appt is tmr. (oh right, and jin finally quit kat-tun, though that might be the least surprising news for me this week)

omg it's 2 am and my neighbours upstairs are STILL having a party D:< I should probably go complain soon. And it's annoying cuz i'm totally sick of those clubby/ heavy beat songs. go ahead.....laugh. It's so ironic....i know. It's all I've been listening to these days tho so i'm bound to get tired of it ]: Now all i listen to are slow, mellow and mushy songs. Even while running.......lol

Anyways i got an email saying there's been a death in the department staff and police are investigating before details can be given. My immediate reaction is HOLY CRAP there's a killer running loose. And then.....maybe somebody committed suicide. But then my friend said there were medical personnel too so maybe somebody had a heart attack? Well i don't think any of the admin are old..... so i was thinking of all my old profs and then feeling really sad ): I do wonder who it is tho.

Also got an e-mail saying there's a epidemic for whooping cough here? I swear my ex-roomie had it. Like when she coughed, the whole time i just had 'whooping cough whooping cough' in my mind. It was bizarre. I told her to see a doc but she thought it was nothing serious. She was seriously dying tho (ok, so not dying).....but like random fits of really vigorous coughing. And it happened for WEEKS. And then I had it for a week or 2 as well ): DARN IT!! I think if it hasn't killed me by now tho it means i'm ok? (right? steph??)

and i was SOOOO happy today that another girl understands. (and the best thing is she's not even chinese but she's learning it)
How COOL some of the names the chinese fandom comes up with is, it's just soooo linguistically awesome. (sorry..... i know you guys don't care) but yamada = 32 = 山(田)涼(介) cuz in chinese 3 is san (山), 2 can be also pronounced as liang (涼)..... get it?
And the pairing names like:
玄武 = an ancient mythical creature that has a turtle body and snake head or something. Snake referring to ryo's venomous tongue
合肥 = together fat, pi+jin back when they were both fat. Also a big chinese city :)
胸毛 = pikame. Because pi has THE big chest and kame has hairy legs, lmao. (and together its chest hair.....rofl......sorry being immature)
唇齿(same pronunciation as 淳/赤)= junno/jin, and 唇亡齿寒 comes from an ancient story from the warring states where this counsellor was trying to convince their king to protect a neighbouring country from attack (for their own countries' sake). And the analogy is that if the lips are gone, the teeth will be unprotected/ feel the cold. ie. one cannot survive without the other.
Umm.....ok......so how dorky am i to get excited by this sorta stuff xP

updating with some wedding pics first. So one of the main purpose for my trip home is cuz my hs friend was getting married! My first friend to do so (tho apparently another one will too......hmmm)

Here's a pic of the dance part. Most of the guests were her relatives/older generation so the dance floor was a bit sad. There was the odd crazy adult tho.....and her cousins......lol. She had soooo many of them! Here's 2 sisters.....one of which is my (what's the term for going to same undergrad?) And a friend in purple beside. OH Yeah and the stupid Dj that wouldn't take my request cuz 'we have too many songs from bep'. What's wrong with more bep?? D:<

Here's the wedding party. My friend is so pretty in her wedding dress. Tho I felt bad cuz my mom was making such a fuss about my dress and everything (to the bride too :O). I rather like it except for the fact I have fat arms.......and legs....... tho the legs don't look as bad in this pic......lol

went to montreal.....and ottawa and quebec city on this 3 day tour with a tour group. NEVER AGAIN. First not to mention how we never have enough time for sites i want to see.....heck, we pretty much missed all the ones i wanted to see. We saw some random churches n stuff........while all i wanted was to go to a cafe/ maybe a crepe shop. And it doesn't help that there was also my cousin (10 y o boys are SUPER annoying...... tho he sorta reminded me of when i had to teach english to......10 y o boys......lol). And my uncle that agrees with my mom on all matters. And I couldn't use English the whole trip :(

Was SOOOO glad to be back to the States last night..... tho we still had some hiccups. Apparently my parents hate ALL of my clothes/ style/ hair and everything. They think I have no taste and no artistic sense.......... ummm...... ok. Today they esp hated my yellow pants D: I'll remember never to bring clothing i actually like home. Tho I AM excited i got those long leggings finally. yay

sorry for all the complaining......pics to come.......and still so amused by octopus paul. I think octopus is my fav marine animal xD