am i getting amnesia

i have so much to be thankful for these days.....tho i really do need to change the way how i do things

I was watching 'the last lecture' tho maybe the title changed. When I told my mom, she said I'd watched it before....tho i'm *pretty* sure i haven't at all. Cuz i'd usually remember something like this? Or maybe not.

I get that time is valuable and time= money. But ordering every minute of my day may be too much for me. orz.....i just can't seem to be productive all the time or i crash and burn O_o I'm starting to think that life in adulthood.... is too hard for me. O_o

Anyways, so after the whole dinner planning thing i thought it was a great idea to watch that 'goukon' part in gokusen 2. LOL.....no it was a pretty bad idea. And then I spent more time watching the reunion cuz there was a link next to it.

Well ok at least i was doing my hw on the side. I haven't made a cheatsheet in *forever*! And then i scared myself cuz I didn't remember how to solve ODE's anymore. The really simple ones. And how it connects to linear algebra. Sigh.... what did i spend the past years doing? Learning and re-learning and then forget again?

And nowadays i feel guilty everytime i think of anything remotely superficial like 'that person has good facial features' or 'love those clothes'.....orz I feel like the brain of someone serious about doing science should not be pre-occupied with that and waste time n energy on it. But then again.. is it even worth it if as a consequence i think about things i'm missing out on?? orz